This will be a little different than my normal blogs, which, I know, I haven't written one for quite a while. Things have been a bit, what's the word?....................off-kilter, yes,......that's the word. Things have been off-kilter in my life for most of the year. A knee injury, surgery, and recovery have made 2016 a year where I am feeling a bit unbalanced and overwhelmed most of the time. With the start of September, I am wanting to set some goals and get back to being balanced and disciplined in the daily routine of my life.
For me, September always brings about the beginning of a new year. I think a lot of people are like that with the start of school. Schedules and routines take priority over the relaxed, flexible days of summer. This morning as I reflected on the last 8 months, I realized how undisciplined I have become in many areas of my life. I've also come to a point where I can see some of the negative impacts it is having on me, physically, emotionally, and spiritually. Changes are in order for sure and I am eagerly seeking God for help and direction. But I would like your input too.
A few days ago I decided to make a list of dreams, goals, and needed changes. The list is much longer than I thought it would be and I am quite overwhelmed by all I had written down on it. I am not quite sure how to start or even prioritize what I hope will be a purpose and plan for the coming months. As I looked at this list, "Pray about it" should have been my first response, but it wasn't. I just sat there at my desk, looked at the list, and cried. You see, prayer has become one of the biggest deficits in my spiritual life this year. One would think that it would be the opposite with all that is going on with me, but that is not the case. Funny how some of the greatest spiritual lessons can become the hardest to apply.
In January I went to Peru on a missions trip. I saw the power, need, and dependence on prayer like never before in my Christian walk. Even before January, as the mission trip was being planned, prayer was an integral part and the mission team saw answer after answer as God provided. It really was incredible. Once in Urubamba, Peru, the need for prayer was in front of us all the time. Every morning as I woke, the first thing I did, before I even sat up in bed, was to pray. I thanked God for the privilege to be there to minister and serve the people. As a group, we prayed together several times a day, and often each day would find 2 or 3 of us praying over a specific need or circumstance that arose. I think I can speak for the entire team when I say that God's sustenance and provision came through the prayers of His people-not only us but the people at home who lifted us up in prayer daily. We felt it. It was real and it was powerful. I will never forget it
So how in the world did I end up here, over 7 months later, struggling to pray at all, feeling overwhelmed with the need to pray but not knowing when or how to begin. For crying in the bathtub (shout out to Mom and her slang), I teach women's Bible study; I am the church secretary; I have a Christian-counseling degree; I've been a Christian for over 25 years. Shouldn't I have it all figured out by now? Seriously.
I think I can pinpoint the day, two days actually, where it all started to slide downhill. The first day was January 22. That's the day I hurt my knee. For the first few months following my injury, prayer continued to be a constant for me. I took the lessons from Peru and carried them into my daily life and routine. But as time went on, the amazing answers and provisions didn't come. Nothing incredible was happening. The physical and emotional toll on me was increasing and discouragement set in. And little by little the act of praying became more of chore than a blessing. And my devotions? Well lets just say that sitting for a 1/2 hour with an open Bible on your lap does not constitute meaningful time in God's word.
The second day was April 10. I can pinpoint that day because of what I wrote in my journal, and it wasn't pretty. I won't go into details but it ended with these words, "I am sad. I have been too sad for too long. I am a wreck and I am tired of telling people that my knee is good or that I'm fine, when in fact, I am not!" Like I said, not pretty. I believe that was the start of an episode of depression and it has taken me almost 5 months to come out of it. There is so much more to go into about that but not now. That is for another time, maybe another blog.
I share this because God has been extremely patient, loving, and faithful to me during this time, even when I haven't been faithful to Him. I can look back, now that the fog is lifting, and see where and how God has answered prayers. Although I haven't been the prayer warrior I want to be, God knows the needs before I ask, and for that, I am so deeply and profoundly thankful. And I have seen some incredible answers to prayer (also for another blog). But I feel like I am starting over when it comes to establishing some spiritually-healthy activities and disciplines back into my life. I need your help. If only I had reached out for help earlier (also for another blog). I would love it if you would share with me how you organize and arrange your prayer time. I've done quite a bit of searching on Pinterest and other places but I'd like to hear from people I know about what works for them.
Do you keep a prayer journal? Is it divided into days, topics, people?
How many times a day do you pray? Do you schedule it into your day?
What one or two things do you think you need to improve your prayer time?
Do you use any other resources for prayer?
Please comment on the blog or the Facebook page in which it is posted. Email me. Or if you are local, I would love to talk with you personally.
"The steadfast love of the LORD never ceases; his mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning; great is your faithfulness." Lamentations 3:23 ESV
"Listen to my voice in the morning LORD. Each morning I bring my requests to you and wait expectantly."
Psalm 5:3 NLT
"Let me hear of your unfailing love each morning, for I am trusting you. Show me where to walk, for I give myself to you." Psalm 143:8 NLT
